Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
