I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
