Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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