do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
