Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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