Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
