That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I feel like abortions should bother me more
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
