I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize