Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
