Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
