OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
