ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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