Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
