I wannas sexs uuuuu
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
