I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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