I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
