I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How external is "for external use only"?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
