I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have feelings that need drinking.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
