I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
