If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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