i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
