OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
