Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
