he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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