Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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