Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
