atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
