Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
