Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
