please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
