i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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