I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
