At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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