So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The power of my boobs compel you
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
