Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
