Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
