I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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