saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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