paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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