I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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