I want to have your abortion
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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