I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
