My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize