butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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