3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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