ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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