Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
