so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize