sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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