please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
