What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
