How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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