you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
