i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize