he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
