some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
