It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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