forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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