3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
