I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
