corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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