Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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