Kiss
Puke
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Do vagina's smell?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
