I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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