I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
