we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
