I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
