my being single is dangerous.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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