okay pat passed out under dana's car
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
