No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
my liver is dry heaving
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
