i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
