i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize