Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
