wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize