I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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