Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
