Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
