Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I AM VODKA MAN
Of course I have a pirate flag
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
