Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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