a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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