You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
