Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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