Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize