As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
