The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
pray to the hookup gods
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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