$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
