He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
