my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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