honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
