There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
