oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
