so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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