You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
