i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
