Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
