It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
