She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
